Finding the right surrogate or intended parents is one of the most important parts of a surrogacy journey.
It is also one of the parts people understand the least.
Surrogate matching is not simply an agency looking at two profiles, deciding they seem compatible, and putting the parties together. A strong match is a mutual decision between intended parents and a gestational surrogate who have compatible expectations for the pregnancy, communication, medical decisions, boundaries, and the relationship they hope to build.
At Simple Surrogacy, we have been helping intended parents and surrogates find one another since 2002. One thing more than two decades of experience has taught us is that a match can look perfect on paper and still not feel right when the people meet.
That is why our matching process is deliberately two-sided.
The surrogate chooses first. The intended parents choose too. And no match moves forward unless everyone wants it to.
Surrogate matching is the process of identifying an intended parent or parents and a gestational surrogate whose circumstances, expectations, preferences, and personalities are compatible enough to pursue a surrogacy journey together.
There are practical pieces to compatibility. Location can matter. Fertility-clinic requirements can matter. Legal considerations can matter.
But there are also very personal questions.
How much communication does everyone want during the pregnancy? Do the intended parents hope to attend appointments? How does the surrogate feel about that? What kind of relationship does everyone envision after the baby is born? How will everyone approach difficult medical decisions if something unexpected happens?
Those issues can influence a journey just as much as the medical qualifications do.
Professional guidance from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine similarly emphasizes alignment between gestational carriers and intended parents around communication, pregnancy expectations, medical decision-making, conflict resolution, and the relationship between the parties before and after birth. ASRM guidance for gestational-carrier arrangements
Good matching begins with screening and preparation.
An intended parent does not simply contact Simple Surrogacy one morning and receive a list of available surrogates that afternoon.
Before intended parents enter matching, they complete the initial requirements of our program, including their profile, background screening, and psychological consultation. You can learn more about the steps leading up to matching in our Surrogacy Process Overview for Intended Parents.
Surrogates also go through an agency screening process before they are presented for matching. That includes an application and interview, review of medical and pregnancy history, medical-record collection, background screening, insurance review, and psychological evaluation.
Our Surrogate Program and Qualifications page explains the current requirements in greater detail.
There is an important distinction here: agency pre-screening is not the same as final medical clearance from the intended parents’ fertility clinic.
The purpose of pre-screening is to determine whether a woman appears to meet the qualifications to pursue surrogacy and can enter the matching process. After a match is made, the intended parents’ IVF clinic performs its own medical evaluation before approving her for embryo transfer.
Our process is designed to give both sides meaningful choice rather than treating the surrogate as someone being assigned to intended parents.
Once an intended-parent profile is active for matching, we look for surrogates whose preferences and circumstances are compatible with that family.
This is where an experienced matching team matters.
A match is not simply about checking whether someone’s age, location, or medical history meets a requirement. We also look at the issues that are likely to affect the actual relationship.
At Simple Surrogacy, the surrogate chooses first.
When we identify intended parents who appear compatible with a surrogate’s preferences, she has the opportunity to review their profile and learn more about them.
She may learn about their family, their path to surrogacy, their personalities, why they are pursuing surrogacy, the type of relationship they hope to have, and their expectations for the journey.
She can then decide whether she is interested in getting to know them.
If she is not interested, that is okay.
We continue looking.
When a surrogate expresses interest, her profile is then presented to the intended parents.
This is an important part of the Simple Surrogacy process because when intended parents receive a surrogate profile from us, they know she has already reviewed their profile and expressed an interest in them.
The intended parents can then learn about her family, pregnancy history, motivation for becoming a surrogate, lifestyle, personality, preferences, and what she hopes the relationship will look like.
They are free to decide that the match does not feel right as well.
A match should never begin with one side feeling pressured to say yes.
When both sides are interested after reviewing each other’s profiles, we arrange a facilitated call.
This is the first opportunity for everyone to actually talk.
The purpose is not to conduct an interrogation or to convince either side to accept the match. It is simply to see how everyone communicates and whether the compatibility that appeared on paper feels natural in conversation.
Our team can help guide the discussion so important subjects are addressed rather than leaving everyone wondering what they were supposed to ask.
No one should feel obligated to accept a match because the initial conversation went reasonably well.
Afterward, each side has an opportunity to consider how they felt.
Did conversation feel comfortable? Were expectations reasonably aligned? Were there concerns that came up? Can everyone envision communicating with one another through medical treatment, pregnancy, delivery, and potentially beyond?
Sometimes the answer is yes.
Sometimes it is no.
A respectful “no” during matching is far better than discovering a fundamental incompatibility after medical treatment or pregnancy has begun.
When both the surrogate and intended parents want to move forward, the match is established and the journey progresses to the next stages.
The surrogate then undergoes final medical evaluation through the intended parents’ fertility clinic. Our Surrogacy 101 Medical Screening guide explains that process in more detail.
Once medical clearance is complete, the parties proceed into contracts with independent legal representation. You can learn more in Surrogacy 101: The Legal Process.
Only after the required medical and legal clearances are in place does the journey progress toward an embryo-transfer cycle.
Compatibility does not mean intended parents and their surrogate have to be identical.
They do not have to share every belief, have the same personality, or become best friends.
What matters much more is whether they can respect each other and whether their expectations about the important parts of the journey are compatible.
Communication is one of the biggest considerations.
Some intended parents want frequent texts, photos, updates, and conversations throughout the pregnancy. Some surrogates love that kind of relationship. Others may prefer to communicate regularly but not every day.
Neither approach is necessarily wrong.
Problems occur when one person expects daily involvement and the other expects significantly more independence.
The same applies to the relationship after birth. Some surrogates and intended parents remain extremely close for years. Others maintain occasional contact. Some relationships naturally become less frequent after delivery.
These expectations should be discussed—not assumed.
Some of the most important matching questions are also among the most difficult to talk about.
What are everyone’s views regarding prenatal testing?
What happens if a serious fetal condition is diagnosed?
What are everyone’s expectations concerning termination or selective reduction?
What are the expectations surrounding embryo transfer?
These are not subjects to postpone until a problem occurs.
ASRM specifically identifies disagreement about prenatal testing, pregnancy termination, multifetal reduction, medical decision-making, communication, and pregnancy expectations as potential reasons a proposed gestational-carrier arrangement may not be appropriate.
At the same time, intended parents need to understand an essential principle of ethical surrogacy: the surrogate remains the patient and retains authority over her own medical care.
ASRM’s ethics guidance is explicit that gestational carriers have autonomy in decisions concerning their medical care throughout the pregnancy.
That is one reason thoughtful matching matters so much.
The goal is not to write enough rules into a contract that trust no longer matters. The goal is to match people whose expectations are sufficiently aligned that everyone can enter the journey with confidence and mutual respect.
Instead of treating the match call like a job interview, intended parents should use it to understand the person who may carry their child.
Ask about her motivation for becoming a surrogate and what she enjoyed—or found difficult—about her own pregnancies.
Talk about communication.
Ask how involved she hopes the intended parents will be. Discuss appointments, updates, delivery, and what kind of relationship she envisions after birth.
It is also perfectly reasonable to talk about everyday life.
What does she like to do? What is her family like? What does her partner think about surrogacy? How do her children feel about it?
Those conversations often tell you more about whether a relationship will work than another checklist of qualifications.
The same principle applies in reverse.
A surrogate should feel comfortable asking why the intended parents are pursuing surrogacy, how they envision the pregnancy, and what kind of relationship they want with her.
She should know how frequently they hope to communicate and how they feel about medical appointments and delivery.
She should also feel comfortable talking about difficult subjects.
How do they handle stress?
How do they communicate when they disagree with someone?
What are their expectations about pregnancy decisions?
What kind of relationship do they imagine having after the baby is born?
The matching conversation is just as much an opportunity for a surrogate to evaluate intended parents as it is for intended parents to evaluate her.
For a deeper surrogate-focused explanation, our Surrogacy 101: The Matching Process walks through the experience specifically from the surrogate’s point of view.
Then it should not become a match.
One of the most important things we tell both intended parents and surrogates is that declining a proposed match is okay.
It does not mean there is something wrong with the surrogate.
It does not mean there is something wrong with the intended parents.
Sometimes two perfectly good people simply are not the best people to take this particular journey together.
We would much rather learn that during matching than after contracts are signed or a pregnancy has begun.
There is no single matching timeline that applies to every intended parent or every surrogate.
Availability matters, but so do preferences.
The more criteria attached to a match, the smaller the potential pool naturally becomes. Location, medical preferences, communication expectations, transfer preferences, lifestyle considerations, legal factors, and other requirements may all affect how many potential matches are appropriate.
Some surrogates may match quickly. Some intended parents may wait longer for a candidate who meets their particular needs.
At Simple Surrogacy, we continually recruit and screen potential surrogates, but speed should never be the only measure of a successful matching program.
Getting to pregnancy a few weeks sooner is not worth beginning a year-long relationship with fundamental disagreements already built into it.
A profile should do more than list facts.
For intended parents, this is often the surrogate’s first opportunity to understand who you are and why helping you build your family might be meaningful to her.
Tell your story honestly.
You do not need to write the saddest infertility story or present a perfect version of your life.
Explain who you are. Talk about your family. Share what brought you to surrogacy and what you hope your relationship with a surrogate might look like.
Surrogates should approach their profiles the same way.
Medical history and pregnancy information matter, but so do personality, family life, motivation, interests, and expectations.
The best profiles help people imagine what it would actually feel like to go through a journey together.
Medical qualification is essential, but qualification alone does not create a good match.
A surrogate could meet every health requirement and still be wrong for a particular family.
Likewise, intended parents can be wonderful future parents and still not be the right intended parents for every surrogate.
Surrogacy creates an unusually personal relationship.
The intended parents are trusting another woman to carry their child.
The surrogate is trusting those intended parents to respect her, honor their agreements, communicate appropriately, and recognize the physical and emotional commitment she is making.
That trust begins during matching.
Matching is the beginning of the relationship, not the end of the preparation.
The surrogate still needs final fertility-clinic medical clearance. The parties will complete the legal process with their respective attorneys. Escrow and other financial arrangements will be established, and only after the appropriate clearances have been issued will the fertility clinic move toward embryo transfer.
If you are an intended parent and want to see how matching fits into the entire journey, visit our complete Intended Parent Surrogacy Process overview.
If you are considering becoming a surrogate, our Become a Surrogate page explains the application, qualifications, support, and next steps.
Yes—but at Simple Surrogacy the process is mutual. The surrogate reviews appropriate intended-parent profiles first. If she is interested, her profile is then presented to the intended parents. Both sides must want to proceed before a match is established.
Yes. Potential surrogates complete our agency pre-screening process before matching, including review of medical records and pregnancy history, background screening, psychological evaluation, and other eligibility requirements. Final medical clearance by the intended parents’ fertility clinic occurs after matching.
Absolutely. Matching is not an assignment. Both sides need to feel comfortable moving forward.
Not necessarily. Some intended parents and surrogates develop lifelong friendships, while others have warm but more defined relationships. Compatibility means having reasonably aligned expectations about what the relationship will look like—not requiring everyone to want the same degree of closeness.
It depends on the issue. Small differences do not necessarily prevent a successful match. Fundamental disagreement about major medical decisions, communication, boundaries, or the relationship may be a reason to continue looking for a more compatible match.
It varies. Availability and the criteria of both the surrogate and intended parents affect the potential pool. Matching should be efficient, but it should also be thoughtful.
Matching is sometimes described as one step on a surrogacy checklist.
After more than two decades in this field, we see it differently.
The match establishes the relationship that will carry everyone through medical screening, contracts, embryo transfer, pregnancy, appointments, uncertainty, exciting milestones, delivery, and the birth of a child.
That relationship deserves more than an algorithm or a quick introduction.
At Simple Surrogacy, we believe both sides should understand who they are entering the journey with and feel confident choosing each other.
If you are an intended parent considering surrogacy, you can contact Simple Surrogacy to schedule a consultation and learn more about the matching process.
If you are considering becoming a surrogate, you can learn about our current qualifications and begin the surrogate application process.
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