The Relationship Between Your Surrogate and You: A Guid

Surrogacy involves two parties: the intended parent(s) and the surrogate mother. It is an intimate experience that is shared between both parties to create a life that will connect them for life. However, although this bond may always be there, that doesn’t mean that surrogates and intended parents will remain in close contact with one another. In fact, the degree and frequency of contact before, during, and after the pregnancy should be discussed and agreed upon early on.

Whether you are seeking a close and strong bond with your surrogate mother or prefer to be minimally involved — you have to communicate and respect boundaries. The level of involvement and interaction between the two parties should be mutually agreed upon. Moreover, establishing expectations when it comes to communication, boundaries, and trust is critical before the pregnancy begins. Here’s how to navigate your relationship with your surrogate.

What to Consider When Envisioning the Relationship with Your Surrogate

Every surrogacy is unique, so whether you have already gone through the process of surrogacy before or it is your first time, you will need to ensure that you have realistic expectations going in. The first step to doing this is determining what you want the relationship to look like. Here’s what you should consider.

Trust

When you are interviewing possible candidates, discuss your personal preferences and concerns for time throughout and after the pregnancy. Trusting your surrogate is critical throughout this process, as she wants you to know that your baby is in excellent hands. You can’t avoid the fact that trust is built, it may take more than one conversation to assuage all of your concerns, but it’s an excellent start and can help you feel more comfortable with the process.

A good agency has strict requirements set in place to ensure the success of the pregnancy, this includes restrictions on smoking, drinking, and other unhealthy lifestyle choices that may affect the baby. That said, choosing a great agency is an important factor when it comes to building trust in the relationship with your surrogate.

Communication

When you are thinking about communication, ask yourself how often you would like to hear from the surrogate. Indicating your preferred methods of communication is helpful, as well.

Do you prefer daily contact or weekly updates? Do you prefer phone calls, e-mails, text, or FaceTime? Would you like to visit your surrogate mother in-person on a regular basis?

Those are important questions to have answers to early on.

Discuss your needs upfront and ask the surrogate about her life. Most surrogates have other responsibilities, partners, or schedules that might not match up with yours. Taking her needs into account will only allow for a healthier and more productive relationship. It will also make it easier to discuss how involved you want to be with your surrogate, such as attending ultrasounds and other appointments.

After the Pregnancy

Once your baby is born, the relationship with your surrogate doesn’t necessarily need to end. It’s even likely that you will have established a lifelong bond and will stay in touch after the birth. However, this is not a requirement. If you prefer to cut all contact after birth, make it known when you are seeking your best match.

Final Thoughts

The most critical aspect of establishing a healthy and strong relationship with your surrogate is to communicate your needs and expectations and understanding her own. When a foundation of trust and transparency is built, your experience has much higher odds of being a great one. Simple Surrogacy can help to answer any questions that you may have about the relationship you envision with your surrogate and help to match you with a surrogate who fits your needs. Feel free to contact us by phone at (866) 461-4550 or fill out our online form.