Boundaries are essential to establish between Intended Parents and Surrogates going through the surrogacy journey. Their relationship boundaries often include the level of communication and the intended post-birth relationship between the parties. This is a significant reason to enlist an agency to make the match, as they will only introduce a surrogate to Intended Parents who are interested in a similar level of contact as themselves.
It is common to become close with Intended Parents throughout surrogacy. The birth of their child is often an extraordinarily anticipated and exciting event, and establishing a closer relationship is second nature as the surrogate shares this experience. However, some couples prefer to maintain a business-like relationship with their surrogate throughout the process.
There are three clear options for a relationship between a surrogate and Intended Parents.
Open Long-Term Relationship
The most common relationship between surrogates and intended parents is one that endures the test of time. These people tend to remain as close as family members after the child’s birth, consistently communicate, and occasionally meet up.
During the pregnancy, the lines of communication are open and welcoming. The Intended parents tend to be very close with their surrogate and speak daily or multiple times a week. For this pairing, almost no information is off the table. The surrogate may share their concerns or highlights, and the Intended Parents behave similarly.
Creating a life is a beautiful process for everyone involved. For this relationship, it is advised that firm boundaries are set between the parents and the surrogate so that no one’s feelings are hurt during the surrogacy.
Open Short-Term Relationship
This relationship is outlined a little differently than the first. While communication and the relationship are very close throughout the pregnancy, they release both parties from an obligation to each other in the end. After the baby is born, the parents and surrogate may lessen contact naturally overt time and eventually or lose contact.
Often surrogates will get letters or photos as updates from their parents in this relationship, so they do not lose sight of the gift they gave someone. However, the closeness is not akin to extended family. It is more like distant friends.
It may not seem like it, but these relationships can be gratifying for all parties involved. They have a reminder of a beautiful part of their lives but can return to their independent life.
This relationship is more business-like in nature than a developing friendship. For personal reasons, some Intended Parents and surrogates would like to communicate primarily through their coordinators, lawyers, and a veil of formality.
This is perfectly normal! Maintaining independence from the Intended Parents or surrogate can help either party feel more secure about going through the surrogacy journey.
Often, these parties will not keep in contact after the surrogacy journey but may also update photos, emails, and updates.
Regardless of what kind of relationship you seek out with your surrogacy counterpart, there is a match out there. Please contact us if you are interested in becoming a surrogate or intended parent.
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