Surrogates: What To Expect After Delivery

So you have decided to embark on a journey that will create memories of a lifetime. You have made the final decision, after heavy research and a longing to do it, to help another family in a way that takes only a very special person to carry through.  You have been matched with your Intended Parents (IPs), gone through all necessary procedures, and the countdown to delivery is here! You are that much closer to making a family whole and complete. And each day that passes is one day closer to the delivery due date. A whirlwind of emotions have taken over – a blend of excitement and overjoy with a pinch of anxiety and nervousness, which is very natural. But in the back of your mind there is that looming question… “What now? What should I expect during and after my pregnancy?” Here is what every Surrogate should know about what to expect during delivery and after. 

Do the Intended Parents stay in the delivery room?

Every hospital has their own policies about the delivery. Some hospitals have a limit on the number of people that can be in the delivery room. With a vaginal delivery, most hospitals will allow your partner to be present, as well as the Intended Parents. With a C-section delivery, fewer people are allowed. Here at Simple Surrogacy, your coordinator will work through these details with you to help you find a hospital whose policies are in line with your wishes.

When you arrive at the hospital, you will experience similar care to when you gave birth to your own children. The difference this time around, are the people who will be in the delivery room and the communication between yourself and the IPs. After all, what’s most important is that the Surrogate feels as comfortable as possible during this time.

Depending on what you have laid out in the birth plan, after giving birth Surrogates may witness their IPs cut the umbilical cord and hold their newborn for the very first time. Many women choose this option and have expressed that this moment was the best experience of all. The room is filled with an overwhelming sense of joy, pure elation, and a rewarding feeling for yourself and all of the hard work you’ve accomplished. There is no true way to describe the atmosphere in the room until you’ve experienced it yourself, first-hand.

What Happens After the Delivery?

Your surrogate birth will be very similar to the birthing experience you’ve had prior. The medical staff will come in, take a few tests, and check on yourself and the baby.  All legal arrangements are taken care of in advance, through our agency – we refer both yourself and the IPs to a lawyer that specializes in third-party reproduction. If you would like, you may also request to have your own room following the delivery.  

Physically, the post-delivery experience is different for every woman. Some women are ready to rest, whereas others are still energized off the adrenaline of the incredible experience they just endured. Though there are a plethora of emotions circulating, Surrogates may also face a few challenges – some physical, some emotional and all very common and very real. Though a Surrogate will not be bringing the child home – something that is addressed and understood from very early on in the process – it is a commonly held belief that she will not experience the same post-pregnancy challenges as any other woman. In reality, even Surrogates themselves may be surprised by the intensity of emotions and recovery. While there’s no way to avoid the challenges a Surrogate will face after delivery, it is still very possible to prepare yourself and your family for what lies ahead, which Simple Surrogacy will assist you with every step of the way. Being prepared is the best way to face and work through each day in recovery.

Communication Between Surrogates and IPs After Delivery

A common question among Surrogates is: What kind of communication, if any, will I have with the baby and IPs after the birth? While there is no established set of rules surrounding post-delivery communication between the Surrogate and IPs, this matter is discussed during the matching process, and our coordinators will assist in arriving at a common agreement. In some cases, both parties decide that they want to be active in each others’ lives. This means that the Surrogate would later be able to interact with the child. In other cases, the Surrogate may receive updates such as letters and pictures from the Intended Parents about the baby. Other individuals or couples opt not to keep the line of communication open at all after the birth of the child. 

As a Surrogate, don’t hesitate to ask questions to both your agency and your IPs. When a discussion is had between both parties about the expectations after delivery, it better prepares you leading up to and after giving birth. While it won’t guarantee you will not feel a little sad after delivery, having agreed-upon expectations will certainly make the transition after pregnancy much easier.

While most Surrogates are comforted knowing that they gave an incredible gift to a couple who wanted to start a family, they are still tired, hormonal and adjusting to life post-pregnancy. So, you could find yourself struggling a bit – and that’s completely normal. After all, you are closing one large chapter in your life and moving on to the next. Now is not the time to worry, but to allow yourself to work through all of your emotions as you move forward and know that you are not alone.