Why Do Women Become Surrogate Mothers? Exploring Common Reasons and Misconceptions

One of the most prevalent questions about surrogacy revolves around the surrogate mothers themselves. How are women able to carry someone else’s child and how does the process even work? After all, being a surrogate mother is an amazingly generous act and requires a very specific woman to fill the role. With a rise of surrogacy in the news and its normalcy in celebrity couples, people are finally beginning to explore and understand the process of becoming a surrogate mother.
In 2012, NPR dove a bit deeper into the world of becoming a surrogate mother, shining a light on who and why women are drawn to the process. Overall, they found that women with previous, unproblematic pregnancies realized they had an opportunity to change the lives of hopeful parents.
The interview also clarifies a few of the common misconceptions about surrogate mothers. For example, some people assume surrogate mothers are either taken advantage of or, conversely, are only in it for the money. Then there’s the fear that surrogate mothers will change their minds mid-pregnancy. NPR put all these concerns to rest, reiterating that surrogate mothers come to the process with a deep understanding of what they offer, and surrogacy agencies ensure the process goes smoothly for both intended parents and surrogates. Surrogacy is a highly managed process organized by a team of professionals.
Still, the draw toward being a surrogate mother can seem confusing. Understanding the reasons and concerns about the surrogate mother process shines a light on the whole experience.

Reasons Women Become Surrogate Mothers

They Feel Called to Help Intended Parents

Above all else, surrogate mothers report that their underlying reason for choosing the path is to bring new life into a family that otherwise cannot have children. Many surrogate mothers report growing up with friends or family members that have struggled with infertility issues and understand the pain of not being able to conceive. Others were even surrogate children themselves, and therefore deeply appreciate how surrogacy helped their own lives begin.
Overall, surrogacy is an incredibly personal choice that others may never be able to fully comprehend, and that’s okay. In Marie Claire’s candid surrogacy interviews, each mother speaks of why they found being a surrogate mother was specifically right for them and their bodies. Each woman also speaks about the process of discussing the choice with their immediate families and finding a support system with the understandable ups and downs on the process.

They Had Easier Pregnancies

All surrogate mothers have already had children of their own and had very straightforward pregnancies and births. Since many agencies require mothers to be between 21 and 40, surrogate mothers had their children young and spoken with their doctors about carrying more children safely. During the screening process, agencies ensure they are in peak health, always ensuring there is no risk to the baby or surrogate.

They Want to Help LGBT+ Couples

With the recent progression of rights for LGBTQ couples and parents, some surrogate mothers feel a particular calling to helping these families grow. Gay men will often use gestational surrogacy with the help of an egg donor and surrogate mother. Lesbian couples that have experienced fertility issues benefit from surrogacy mothers as well. In many cases, surrogate mothers become close with the intended parents, staying in close communication with the couples throughout the pregnancy and beyond.

They Understand the Process

As mentioned earlier, surrogate mothers often hear about the process through family members or friends—though more and more surrogacy mothers are finding agencies on their own. Either way, becoming a surrogate mother is not a decision made lightly. The agency screening and application process is just as extensive as for intended parents.
Since surrogate mothers have children of their own, they’ve also considered how the process will affect their immediate family. Many speak of the extensive conversations with partners and children on how to make the surrogacy experience work best for everyone.
After the intended parents find an agency, they interview potential surrogate mother matches to ensure their views on the process align. So, not only do surrogate mothers have a full understanding of their decision before applying, but they also specifically choose to work with intended parents with whom they feel connected and comfortable.

Common Misconceptions of Surrogate Mothers

That They Will Grow Attached to the Baby

Gestational surrogacy means that the surrogate mother has no biological relation to the child. Both halves of genetic material come from the intended parents or donors. Surrogate mothers understand this and compare it to taking care of a loved one’s child or teaching them at school.
Kristine Ayers, a Connecticut surrogate mother, told Marie Claire that, “You have to have a certain mindset, because you’re not giving a baby up, you’re just giving the baby back.” She admits that the process can be confusing and difficult at times, but you understand this going in and have built a support system with your family, friends and surrogacy team.

That They Do It for the Money

As a society, we have a difficult time understanding unique reasons for receiving compensation. On a basic level, surrogate mothers are compensated for the same reason any other person is—for providing time, energy and skillful care to a project. Since pregnancy is not compensated otherwise, this confuses many people outside of the surrogacy world.
Compensation, however, makes surrogacy possible. Pregnancy and IVF requires an entirely new way of life for nearly a year, if not more, often requiring significant rest and changes to their way of life. Though most surrogate mothers report financial stability before choosing surrogacy, the compensation is recognition of the generous sacrifice and complete life shift that goes along with the decision.
A clinical psychologist from LA, Elaine Gordon told NPR in a 2012 interview, “I think people automatically feel that if money is involved then there is no altruism involved, and that’s not necessarily true,” she says. “We are all compensated for the work we do, and we still want to do good work even though we are compensated.”

That It’s an Easy Job

One major surrogacy mother misconception is that it’s an easy decision both for the surrogate and the agency. On the contrary, the interview process and physical requirements are quite specific to ensure the safest pregnancy possible.
Prospective surrogates meet with fertility specialists, social workers, and the surrogate agency’s team of counselors to determine if the choice benefits everyone involved. A history of pregnancy complications, such as preeclampsia or endometriosis, can deter surrogate mother applications from being accepted as well. Each application is unique and potential surrogates must work directly with their doctors to fully consider the safest choice.
Surrogate mothers also depend on a vast support system to handle the travel, appointments and the birth process itself. It is truly the work of a whole village. So, though the rewards of carrying another person’s child are deeply rewarding, it comes with a level of selflessness.
Many surrogate mothers return to the process as many times as they are able, speaking to the power of the experience itself. If you or a loved one is considering pursuing becoming a surrogate mother, Simple Surrogacy can help begin the conversation. Agencies are there for surrogate mothers through every stage of the experience, fully understanding the generosity, strength and transparency required throughout the process.