What to Look For in Intended Parents

If you are considering becoming a surrogate mother, congratulations — you are about to embark on a wonderful journey with your chosen intended parents! You will be giving them the gift of life. As a surrogate mother, you ultimately have a say in the intended parents with whom you are matched.  Have you thought about what qualities you want your intended parents to have? The relationship between a surrogate mother and intended parents is vital to the success of the surrogacy project, which is why Simple Surrogacy works hard to make sure that intended parents and surrogates are matched correctly. Both sides have a say in the match, and neither is forced upon the other. So, it is important for you, the surrogate mother, to seriously contemplate what you want to look for in intended parents.

Do You Want to be Matched with Intended Parents Who Fit Certain Demographic Criteria?

One of the first things you will be asked, as a prospective surrogate mother, is what demographic criteria you wish your intended parents to have. Does it matter to you what race they are? Do you care about their marital status? Do you want them to fit into a certain age range? Do you care about where they live? Does it matter to you whether or not they already have children? Your answers to these questions are important to pin down before you are matched to intended parents, but you should be flexible to viewing profiles your Agency thinks might be a good personality fit as well.

Do You Have Preferences When It Comes to the Intended Parents’ Sexual Orientation?

Some surrogate mothers prefer to carry a child for a heterosexual, married couple, while others prefer to carry a child for a gay couple. When asked by the surrogate agency what your preferences are, be honest and straightforward. If you are unsure, do some research on the topic to address any questions or concerns you may have. Remember, you are in the driver’s seat and it is ultimately your decision, so be up front with your feelings before being matched to intended parents.

Do You Want to be Matched to Intended Parents Who Share Your Values?

Some surrogate mothers only want to carry a child for intended parents whose values match their own. For example, if you are a religious person, you might want assurance the child will be raised with the similar religious values that you share. You might even have a preference on what religion you want your intended parents to be. Make sure to specify all of this to the counselor at the surrogacy agency so that proper matching can occur.

The Surrogate-Intended Parents Relationship

What type of relationship do you want to have with the intended parents? Do you want a close, personal relationship with them, in which you view each other as family members? Do you want a relationship with the child, or updates on him or her after he or she is born? Or, do you desire more of a businesslike relationship with the intended parents, ending when the child is born? All of these things will be put into writing in your surrogacy contract, so it’s important to make your wishes known to Simple Surrogacy counselors now, so that you can be matched with intended parents who desire the same type of relationship you do.
You should also find out how involved they want to be with your family and vice-versa. Do they want to meet your husband and children? Do they want to introduce you to their extended family and be completely honest about your role in helping them to create a family? Make sure that the intended parents you choose have the same feelings about whether or not they want to keep your involvement secret or celebrate it with their family and friends. You need to choose intended parents who will put you into a scenario in which you are comfortable.

Communication Between Intended Parents and Surrogate

Another important aspect to consider, as a surrogate mother, is the type, method and speed of communication you want to have with the intended parents. If they have questions, how should they contact you – by phone, text, email, or in person? Likewise, if you have questions or concerns to direct to them, how do they want to be contacted? It is also vital to know what speed of reply is expected by the intended parents. They should have reasonable expectations of how soon you will reply to their queries, and not become upset if you don’t get back to them immediately. Of course, some issues require more immediate communication than others, and it’s important to discuss this with prospective intended parents before you are matched with them. You need to feel comfortable with the arrangement as well, and know that if you have a question, they will get back to you in a reasonable amount of time.

How Involved Do You Want the Intended Parents to Be in the Pregnancy?

Surrogate mothers and intended parents often have different expectations of how to handle the medical aspect of the pregnancy. Most intended parents will desire to be present at many of the medical appointments and tests, and you would usually want them to come so they can be as involved in the pregnancy as you are.
Likewise, how much say do you want the intended parents to have over what you put into your body? Many might prefer you eat organic foods and provide you a supplement to do so, so you should decide if you are comfortable doing that.  It is important to hammer out these details with prospective intended parents before you sign a contract with them, so that no one is surprised if these issues arise during the pregnancy.
The counselors at Simple Surrogacy will talk to you about your wishes and desires for intended parents and will only present to you those who fit your profile. They will work with you to make sure you are placed into a successful match. Contact Simple Surrogacy to start your journey as a surrogate mother today!