It's a Match! Tips for Meeting with Potential Surrogate Mothers
The start of your surrogate matching process is an exciting time. You’ve found the agency, signed initial paperwork and completed all the necessary screening on your end. Now it’s time to sit down and complete your Intended Parent Profile—the first thing your potential surrogate sees before meeting you. This is one of the most important and often-emotional moments of the surrogacy process and understanding how each phase works can help you prepare for the wonderful weeks ahead.
Surrogate mothers and intended parents should connect on a deeply personal level, and the matching process strives to do just that. It connects families that will help each other grow organically throughout the surrogate process and upcoming pregnancy. Once you’re matched, the first phone call and meeting are arranged by your agency, launching the whole process to the next stage.
Below, we dive a bit more deeply into the steps that occur before matching and meeting with your surrogate mother and all the things that will help clarify how it all works.
Who are surrogate mothers?
Surrogate mothers are called to this community for a range of reasons, but all share a few similarities. They have all carried children of their own, live in a stable and supportive home and most importantly, long to help intended parents grow their families. All surrogates have also undergone medical and psychological reviews as well as extensive background checks. They are deeply familiar with the process and have made personalized profiles just as you will.
What are Intended Parent Profiles?
Profiles are used to link intended parents with a surrogate mother that matches their personalities and surrogacy goals. Though all profiles are anonymous during the matching phase, they provide a window into the lives of both parties. Your intended parent profile should include photos that show who you are as a person and a family, showcasing your natural energy and exuberance above all else. When two families connect in such a personal way, the close, caring energy adds momentum to the overall journey.
First, intended parents choose to connect with specific surrogate mothers when searching through the surrogacy database. One of the most personal ways to reach out to surrogates is your “Dear Surrogate Letter.” This portion of the matching process will help you communicate your hopes for your family, how you found surrogacy and information about you as a person.
Most importantly, remain natural in your tone, as if you’re speaking to a friend you already know. The team at Simple Surrogacy can help their intended parents create profiles that represent their hopes and personalities.
Who Decides on the Surrogacy Match?
Each surrogate will get the chance to read over your letter and profile and will reach out the agency if they also find you’re a good fit. You then have the chance to look over their specific details, and at last, the potential match is made.
Simple surrogacy never makes the final call on surrogate and intended parent matches. A phone call and then a meeting takes place before the final decision is made. Both parties—the surrogate and the intended parents—enthusiastically make the choice together once their profiles seem a good match for one another. Our agency will ensure all your surrogacy preferences match as well, setting the whole team up for a smooth process.
The Phone Conversation
Phone conferences are the first step in getting a feel for your potential surrogate mother. Though it may come across as an interview, you’re both in the same boat. Try to find ways to stay relaxed and open before making the call. You and your support representative will chat before the call to discuss your list of questions and staff member will help facilitate the call itself. Keeping notes can be helpful for moving the conversation along but be willing to go with the flow. A few easy topics to start with include:
- Explain how you and your family decided to pursue surrogacy
- Ask how she became a surrogate mother
- Inquire about details in her profile, such as where she’s from, what she enjoys doing in her career, and any details she offered up in her letter
Diving into the Details
Clearly, the interview process is about more than getting to know one another. You are both considering a significant life decision, and it’s important that you’re on the same page across the board. At the same time, try to keep the initial conversation calm and light. It’s easy for nerves to get in the way, so it’s helpful to remember this is still the beginning of the journey.
This discussion is also just as much about the surrogate mother getting to know your family as well. Discuss your beliefs and preferences around the surrogacy process with confidence but remember that your surrogate has set requirements and needs as well. You can also express how much or how little you’re looking to remain in touch throughout the pregnancy based on your own comfort. Final communication details are outlined by your agency and legal team.
Even if you have a deep personal connection with your potential surrogate mother, it is just as important that you both feel comfortable in this particular arrangement. Perhaps you find that you click as individuals but have different viewpoints on family or the surrogacy experience itself. It is perfectly normal to speak with several different potential surrogate mothers before finding the match that works best for you.
Above all, your agency can help you prepare questions and debrief after your initial discussions.
Meeting Your Surrogate Mother in Person
If both you and the surrogate mother feel confident after the initial phone conversation, we will arrange for you to meet in person. If you’re local to one another, potential matches usually meet over dinner to get a final read on how everyone connects. If you live in separate states, Simple Surrogacy can usually arrange a meeting based around both of your schedules within a few weeks. The same way you prepared for the phone conversation, make notes and jot down thoughts before your meeting.
You are about to begin a very personal journey together, so meeting in person and feeling completely at ease with the surrogate is important for everyone. Quite often, emotions can run quite high during this stage—you’ve made it past initial screening and the process is taking the next big step. It is fine to completely be yourself, no need to treat this as a formal interview or feel the need to interrogate the surrogate mother.
Conversation topics may touch on the final details of the surrogacy process as well as ways to connect on a personal level. Do you both enjoy the same hobbies? Talk about your background and family history—perhaps you share the love of the same sports team or have traveled to the same part of the world. Feeling comfortable with your surrogate is just as much about the logistical details as it is about personal connection.
It’s a Match!
If you both feel assured about the in-person meeting, medical screenings and ongoing communication schedules can be arranged right away. This is a huge accomplishment in the surrogacy process—finding this connection is one of the most important pieces to the puzzle. Your agency will clarify the best way to stay in touch with your surrogate mother throughout the early stages and pregnancy.
Based on your early agreement, you can now fall into a rhythm of reaching out with questions, looking to the next step of the process and most importantly, planning for the little one’s arrival. Reach out to the Simple Surrogacy team to begin your own matching journey or to ask any questions around the surrogacy process itself.