Surrogacy and Your Children

Surrogacy is a family journey. While it is great to involve and inform your extended family about your decision to move forward with surrogacy as a method of completing your family, your immediate family should be your main concern. If you are not a first-time parent, it is important that you have conversations with your children about their new surrogate sibling.
The transition that usually accompanies a new addition to the family is a little different when it comes to surrogacy. You and your family will also be welcoming your surrogate as the person making the birth possible. The use of a surrogate can be difficult for children to understand. However, as the popularity of surrogacy rises, there are more and more tools and resources available to help you actively involve your children in the process. Additionally, it can be fun and great bonding experience to teach them about the process.
If you are struggling to come up with ideas to include your children in your surrogacy journey, do not worry, you are not alone. As you and your surrogate work to complete your family, it is easy for your children to feel confused about or left out of the process. You will have to work to ensure that this does not happen. Here are some helpful tips when it comes to involving your children in your surrogacy journey.

Age

The age of your child is a very important factor to consider when telling your child about their new sibling. If you have multiple children of varying ages, you may want to keep the conversation about surrogacy separate for each child.
If your child is too young to understand the concept of surrogacy, it is best to try to explain it to them in a much more simplified way, then you would explain it to an older child. Don’t make the mistake of bombarding your young child with more information then they can handle. Younger children may reveal sensitive information to others, so keeping the concept of surrogacy simple is a good idea. As the children get older, you should give them more information.
It is usually much easier to explain surrogacy to older children, as they are able to comprehend what they are being told. You will have to discern how much you would like to tell the child, based on their age and maturity. Older children may ask questions or express concerns about the process. You should work to reassure them that their new sibling is in good hands with your surrogate.

Let Your Child Meet Your Surrogate

One of the best ways to alleviate the concerns and uncertainty of children when it comes to surrogacy is to allow them to meet your surrogate in person. Discuss this possibility with your surrogate and make sure that she is comfortable with the idea. Make sure you maintain open and honest communication with your surrogate throughout the pregnancy.
If you come to an agreement, consider scheduling the meeting after your surrogate starts to show. Younger children benefit from having a visual to back up their thoughts. Seeing your surrogate’s pregnant belly will strengthen the idea that their new sibling is, in fact, on the way.
If your surrogate permits it and the timing is right, having your child feel the baby kick is a great way to really reinforce the concept of a living growing child. Little ones will delight in it.
Older children will benefit from putting a face to the woman who is carrying your baby. They can ask the surrogate questions and gather information that assuages any concerns that they may have had.

Involve Your Child in Setting Up Their New Sibling’s Bedroom

Creating a space for your child is an important and visual reminder of the newest addition to your family. While your children may not physically see a pregnant belly, a room for their new sibling can serve as a great physical reminder of what, or rather, who is yet to come.
Involving your child in the process of setting up the new baby’s room is a great step toward helping younger children to get excited about the prospect of a new sibling. It is also an excellent chance to spend one-on-one bonding time with your child(ren) before the new baby comes. Allowing them to have input on things such as room color or furniture will make them feel more involved in the process.

Make the Birth of Your Baby a Family Affair

Delivery day is such an amazing day! Everyone in the family will be full of excitement awaiting the arrival of the newest member. You should discuss the possibility of bringing your children to the hospital on delivery day with your surrogate. It’s a big day for her, too.
While it would be ideal to have everyone in the family at the hospital for the child’s birth, in the case of surrogacy that may not be an option. If your surrogate lives farther away, you may not want to put younger kids through the stress of traveling and any overnight stays. They may be easily overwhelmed and become stressed. Older children may fare better, however, the expenses of traveling may be over your budget.
There is a solution that allows everyone to be involved. Smartphones, computers, and other devices allow you to stay connected. Consider using video applications such as Skype or Facetime to involve your children in the birth of their new sibling, even if they are far away. This can help to eliminate the stress on your children, while still including them in the birth.

Conclusion

Surrogacy is a tremendous gift to you and your family. It is an incredible journey that you should work to involve your children in. Not only will they benefit from knowing and accepting different ways to grow a family, but they will also feel more intimately involved in the process and look forward to the birth of their new sibling.