You’ve waited months to meet your precious baby, this amazing new member of your family. And now it’s time to take your little bundle of joy home with you. One of the most wonderful experiences of having a new baby is being able to bond with this new little person.
What is bonding? It’s the intense and emotional attachment that develops between parents and their new baby. It’s that complete feeling of love that you get when you look into your newborn’s eyes. It’s the feeling of happiness that you now get to experience as intended parents of a precious baby girl or boy.
Much of the bonding happens throughout pregnancy, but when you’re using surrogacy to have a baby, the opportunity for bonding isn’t always as easy. This means that a lot of the bonding is going to happen after your baby is born.
Make sure that both you and your partner take equal time when it comes to bonding. Over time you’ll each develop your own bond and special little things that you do with you baby both together and on your own.
Depending on the relationship you have with your surrogate mother, you may be able to be involved throughout the pregnancy. This can be as basic as attending doctor’s appointments and talking to your baby, so they get to know the sound of your voice. Or ask your pregnant surrogate how comfortable she is with you touching her growing belly to feel your baby kick.
After the birth of your baby, try to have as much immediate contact with your baby as possible. If you’re there in the hospital for the birth, this is the perfect time to start holding your baby, getting in as much physical contact as you can. No matter the circumstances of birth, all babies thrive on physical touch, needing the comfort and warmth of someone who loves them.
When you take your baby home, make time for skin-to-skin contact. This type of contact is also known as “kangaroo care”, and there’s a lot of parenting information confirming that placing your naked baby next your skin helps them make the transition from being in the womb to birth much less stressful.
Feeding your baby is a natural time for bonding. Your baby will respond to your care and love. Make feeding times a quiet time, one where you can sit quietly and just look into your baby’s eyes. Give them your finger to hold and enjoy this time together. The bonding that happens during feeding builds trust and love between parent and child.
Babies of all ages love to be held and touched and talked to. And they’re never too young for activities that keep them engaged with you, helping both of you to bond even more.
Spend as much time as you can talking to your baby and smiling as you caress their cheek. Newborns can’t see great distances, but they’ll be able to know both your voice and face in no time. Research on newborn babies shows that they’re easily able to recognize a smiling face.
As with talking, your baby will love the sound of your singing. Lullabies, children’s verses, or your own favorite country song…singing is another great way to bond and spend time with your baby.
It’s never too early to start reading to your baby. They don’t need to understand the words to be soothed by the sound of your voice. And they’ll recognize what a book is in no time if you’re reading to them daily. The vision of newborn babies is not yet fully developed for the first few months of life and they’re only able to focus on objects that are 8 to 10 inches away from their face. Holding a book close as you read is something they’ll be able to focus on. Buy a few hardcover baby picture books that have black and white pictures. Newborns love to stare at the contrasting black and white images.
Dancing with your baby is another great bonding activity. Just hold your baby close and start swaying to the music. Babies love the rhythmic movement of motion and dancing as they’re held securely in your arms. Not only can dance bring you closer, the movement of dance can also soothe a fussy baby!
As you go about some of your daily activities, carry your baby with you in a carrier or sling. This gives you even more time to bond and engage with your baby, increasing the emotional attachment that the two of you are building together.
Studies show that baby massage is an effective way to interact and engage with your baby. Touch is a very powerful way for humans to connect and no less so with your little one. Massage your baby after a bath, a time when most babies are already nice and relaxed. The touch of your hands is both soothing and comforting to your baby – this is a nice way to end the day before bedtime.
It’s important to note that every new parent bonds with their baby in different ways and at different times. Whether you’ve had a natural pregnancy or used a surrogate, for some parents the bonding process can take longer than it does for others. And this is perfectly normal. Don’t feel under pressure if it’s taking you longer than your partner to bond. There are many reasons why it’s taking you longer, such as the overwhelming feeling of responsibility of becoming a new parent almost overnight. Just keep loving and nurturing your baby in ways that feel right to you. You’ll quickly find that you’ve bonded with your little one if you worry less about the process and just enjoy the time you’re spending together.
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