Tips for Talking to Your Partner About Surrogacy


Becoming a surrogate mother can be a wonderful, selfless act. It can allow those who are unable to conceive and/or carry a baby to term the opportunity to have a baby that is genetically linked to the mother, the father or to both the mother and the father. Depending on the type of surrogacy, there may be different surrogate requirements, but one aspect about the process is always the same: It is a life-changing experience.

As a surrogate mother, you may be affected in a variety of ways. Your body will change physically, your hormones will fluctuate, and you may experience emotional and mental shifts. However, if you are in a committed relationship, you will not be the only person affected by being a surrogate. Your partner will inevitably undergo the life-changing experience with you and it’s important to know what to expect and how to prepare for a surrogate pregnancy before embarking on the process.

Getting on the Same Page

Most critical of all, you need to ensure your partner is in complete agreement with you about your decision to become a surrogate. If the two of you aren’t on the same page at the outset, it will be very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship throughout the surrogacy process and the pregnancy itself could be negatively affected.

Choose the right time and place to first broach the subject and make sure you are well-prepared with all of the information and knowledge you can acquire about becoming a surrogate mother.

How Surrogacy Can Affect a partner

Before you commit to being a surrogate, it’s good to know how the process can impact your partner. For example, you could experience:

  • Intimacy restrictions: Prior to the embryo transfer, it is likely that you’ll be taking fertility medication. Since this can make getting pregnant easier, you and your partner will need to abstain from sex during this phase, which will typically be about a month. Also, your sexual activity level might be negatively affected during the surrogate pregnancy since some pregnant women tend to be less sexually active than normal. Perhaps you and your partner may feel uncomfortable with the idea of having sex while carrying a child that’s not your own.
  • Activity restrictions in general: As a pregnant woman, you might feel less energized than usual to participate in some of your regular activities or to complete household chores and other errands you normally do. The one to pick up the slack will likely be your partner, so it’s a good idea to consider which tasks will fall to your partner and what your partner might now be expected to do.
  • Awkward conversations about surrogacy: Most people have strong feelings about pregnancy, and this can be even more so with regards to surrogate pregnancy. Family members, friends and even acquaintances and strangers might ask about your pregnancy—with the assumption that the baby will be yours—and you and your partner should be prepared to respond accordingly.



Reassuring Your Partner

If you’re having trouble getting your partner to agree with your desire to become a surrogate mother, consider going over the reasons you’d like to become a surrogate in the first place. In addition to giving the gift of parenthood to another person or couple, you might receive significant monetary compensation depending on the type and location of your surrogacy. Perhaps your partner will feel better knowing that while assisting someone else, you may also be helping yourselves to a more financially positive future.

Be sure to provide your partner with facts about surrogacy and the surrogacy process. If he knows, for example, that there is no genetic link between you and the surrogate baby, it might help ease his apprehension that you’ll be carrying “another man’s child.”

If your partner is not fully on board, it may be wise to meet with a counselor or therapist to discuss your reasons for wanting to be a surrogate mother. Helping your partner understand why you’d like to undergo surrogacy in the first place could be beneficial in getting your partner to align his or her thinking with yours. It could help to explain how surrogacy works and the benefits potential parents will receive from your act.

Becoming a Surrogate

Once you and your partner have decided to go through with the surrogacy process, you will need to make sure you fit all of the qualifications, some of which may include having given birth to a child of your own, not having traveled to a Zika-affected country in the past six months and being open to taking medications via injection.

In addition, many surrogacy agencies require that the surrogate’s partner provide support. Such agencies are intended to be “one-stop shops” designed to guide and support surrogates through the entire process. They can help you get a better grasp on the legal particulars, the time commitment, the medical procedures, the travel requirements and all other aspects of surrogacy.

Maintaining Your Relationship During a Surrogate Pregnancy

Once you’re pregnant with a surrogate baby, it will be crucial to maintain a healthy, harmonious relationship with your partner. Here are some ways to keep your relationship running smoothly throughout the pregnancy:

  • Communicate: Keeping the lines of communication open will be important to ensuring that your partner feels involved. If necessary, schedule times to talk and make certain that your partner feels heard whenever he or she shares an opinion.
  • Pay attention to the positives: Reconsider your initial reasons for deciding to become a surrogate and remind your partner of how the experience is beneficial for the intended parents as well as for you both.
  • Remember that the commitment isn’t forever: Perhaps some changes to your relationship won’t be the easiest or most positive, but keep in mind that the situation is temporary. Once you give birth to the baby, you and your partner can resume life as usual.

A Shared Decision

Being a surrogate can reap rewards for both the intended parents of the baby and for you and your partner. It could help you two grow as a couple, and it may provide your partner with the opportunity to help you get through what will likely be, at times, a stressful and difficult experience.

Ultimately, the decision to become a surrogate can be life-changing in the best, most profound way, but it should be a choice that is considered with your partner in mind.

If you’ve considered becoming a surrogate mother, it’s important to keep in mind that this process does not only affect you and the parents-to-be. Ensure that you and your partner are on the same page and fully educated on the surrogacy process before you make any final decisions. If you’re ready to get started, apply online to see if Simple Surrogacy might be a good fit for you!

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