Ensuring a Beautiful Birth Experience: 5 Discussions for Intended Parents and Surrogates

Anticipating the birth of a child through surrogacy is an exhilarating time for both intended parents and gestational surrogates. While major decisions like the birth setting and delivery preferences are typically addressed during the matching process, there are smaller yet significant details that warrant thoughtful discussion. Here are 5 key considerations to ensure a beautiful and harmonious experience for all involved:

Clear Plan for Room Presence

Establish a well-defined plan regarding who will be present in the delivery room to prevent any discomfort. Address questions such as whether the surrogate desires her own support person, if the intended parents plan to invite grandparents, and how COVID protocols may impact these decisions. This becomes especially crucial in planned C-section scenarios, as hospitals often have strict criteria for those allowed in the operating room.

Visibility Preferences

Discuss in advance the comfort level of the surrogate with regard to what those in the room are allowed to witness, particularly below the waist. This open conversation ensures that everyone involved is on the same page and respects each other’s boundaries.

Photography Guidelines

Clarify whether photography is allowed during the delivery and establish boundaries for what moments are considered appropriate to capture. Understanding each other’s preferences on this matter ensures that the birthing experience is documented in a way that aligns with everyone’s comfort level.

Involvement in Cord Cutting

Address whether the intended parent wishes to cut the umbilical cord or, in some cases, if the delivery physician permits the intended parent to play a more active role in the baby’s delivery. This decision can be a significant and memorable moment for intended parents.

Handling the First Moments with the Baby

Discuss who will be the first to hold the baby immediately upon delivery. Some surrogates may prefer to pass the baby to the intended parents as a symbolic gesture, creating a beautiful and heartfelt transition of the precious gift.

Emergency Situations and Decision-Making 

Discuss contingency plans for unforeseen circumstances or emergencies during the delivery. Clearly communicate how decisions will be made in urgent situations, taking into consideration the preferences and well-being of all parties involved. Establishing a protocol for unforeseen events helps alleviate stress and ensures that everyone is on the same page.

Post-Birth Time Together

Talk about the time immediately after the birth and how everyone envisions spending it. Consider whether the surrogate would like some private time with the baby or if the intended parents wish to have those initial moments together as a family. Establishing expectations for this period helps create a supportive and respectful environment for all involved.

Naming and Legal Procedures

Discuss how the baby will be named and any legal procedures that need to be addressed promptly after birth. This includes decisions about birth certificates, parental rights, and any necessary paperwork. Ensuring clarity on these matters in advance helps facilitate a smooth transition and legal process following the birth.

Postpartum Support:

Explore the type of support that will be available to the surrogate in the postpartum period. Discuss whether the surrogate desires emotional support, assistance with recovery, or any other specific needs. This can contribute to a positive postpartum experience for the surrogate and foster a supportive environment for everyone involved.

Communication Preferences

Clarify how communication will be handled during the birthing process. Determine whether updates will be provided in real-time or if there are specific preferences for communication frequency and content. Establishing a communication plan ensures that everyone feels informed and involved while respecting individual preferences for privacy.

Engaging in these discussions ensures that everyone involved in the surrogacy journey is aligned in their expectations and desires for the birthing experience. By addressing these smaller yet meaningful details in advance, intended parents and gestational surrogates can contribute to the creation of a truly special and joyous day