Lesbian Surrogacy: The First Year After Birth

The process of lesbian surrogacy is exciting and amazing – you and your partner will soon bring home your little one and become a family. As you get ready to navigate the first year after birth, be prepared for some big and wonderful changes in your life.

Be Prepared 

Before you bring baby home, read as much as you can and attend parenting classes, preparing you for the first year home with your little one. It doesn’t matter that you’ve created your family through lesbian surrogacy – being prepared when you bring baby home is a shared experience between all parents of a newborn.

The First Step – Emotional Transfer

After the birth of your baby, the first step in bringing your precious one home is the emotional transfer that happens between you, your surrogate, and the baby. You and your surrogate will have developed a birthing plan that outlines the transfer. The most important aspect of this transfer is meeting the needs of your baby. 

Be gentle during this time, understanding the feelings of everyone involved. It can be helpful for your surrogate to have blanket she’s slept with. Bundling baby up in the blanket provides a familiar smell that can make the transition easier in the first few days. 

Bonding Through Touch

When you’ve arrived home with your baby, it’s all about the bonding. One of the best ways to bond with your new baby is through touch – and skin to skin touch is best to build an attachment. Take turns holding the baby with your partner, so each of you is able to bond. Or get into bed and snuggle together, letting baby feel your heartbeat and the touch of your skin. 

According to parenting experts, here’s why touch-bonding is so important in the first year:

• It helps your baby adapt to being out of the womb and in a new environment.
• Helps to promote weight gain.
• Calms and reduces stress for both baby and parents.
• Helps baby sleep.
• Lets both you and your partner bond deeply with your new baby.

Connecting With Baby

It doesn’t matter if it’s through lesbian surrogacy or a traditional birth, connecting with your new baby in the first year is crucial for bonding and development. You want to build an attachment that’s based on comforting and enjoyable experiences for all of you. Here’s how:

Read and sing

Your little one may not understand the words yet but reading and singing are great ways to share special moments together. Read before bed and during the day, choosing a few bright and colorful books that will become family favorites. And sing to your baby so they can hear the music in your voice. Don’t limit yourself to kid’s tunes, sing your favorite songs that make you happy.

Dance and music

Put on some music, hold your baby close and dance. The music and movement will be soothing and comforting and quickly become something your baby looks forward to.

Baby massage

Not only do babies love to be touched, massage can also help to promote better sleep, boost the immune system, and help with motor skills.  

Be Patient

There will be times when you’re tired, frustrated, and impatient. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that not all moments with your baby are going to be perfect. There will be those crying episodes that you just can’t prevent and nights when nothing you do gets baby to go to sleep. Ask for help from your partner. And if you’re both feeling a bit impatient, ask for support from other family members or friends.

Take Care of Yourself

Always make time for selfcare. This means eating right, exercising, and doing some of the things that you enjoy, such as reading a book or watching a movie. Also try to get as much sleep as you can. Napping when baby naps is a good way to get the rest you need. Another way to take care of yourself is by recognizing that not everything you think needs to be done will get done. In this first year there are going to many chores that will have to take a back seat to taking care of yourself and your baby. And the world won’t fall apart when some of these tasks are put on delay.

Support Each Other

You and your partner are on this wonderful journey of parenthood together. Support each other and share your feelings, including the good and the bad. Share all the ups and downs of parenting, taking turns with feedings and getting up during the night to soothe a crying baby. It’s okay to have feelings of doubt about your parenting – just share with your partner and talk through these feelings, coming up with solutions that work for both of you.

Be Flexible For Change

You may think you have the schedule figured out, and then the baby is going to change things up. Babies who start sleeping through the night can just as quickly start waking up a few times, requiring a complete change in the way your entire house functions. Know that these changes are going to occur and be flexible in your reactions, adapting and going with the flow.

Don’t Stress About Milestones

The first year is full of milestones. But there’s far too much emphasis put on these milestones. Your little one is unique and will conquer each new stepping stone of development in their own time and in their own way. Enjoy each moment, document the accomplishment, and don’t stress out when your friend’s baby is sitting up before your bundle of joy shows any interest in doing the same.

Support Groups

Parenting classes and support groups can provide you with invaluable resources and friendships as you navigate through the first year. Talk to your surrogacy agency about local or online support groups available for lesbian surrogacy – you may be able to get additional support that is more specific to your own situation. 

Final Words of Advice

The process of lesbian surrogacy is unique and exciting, and navigating through the first year with your baby is a rewarding and emotional experience. When you know what to expect you can enjoy each and every moment…even those nights when you’re both up trying to convince your little one that it’s a good thing to go to sleep.